The British feel it's very unfair for rich and powerful people to jump the queue to see the coffin of a person who jumped the queue to become rich and powerful. It's fine to be born into stolen riches while the nation's workforce languishes in poverty, but heaven forbid Phil and Holly go ahead of some middle-class people who stood around for 24 hours because they had nothing better to do. That is the real injustice in our society.
Incidentally, the queue to see the queen's coffin is now the second longest queue in the world. The only queue that's longer is the queue for people to get NHS treatment that was cancelled for the funeral. This includes a man whose last chance cancer treatment, which was reportedly scheduled for Monday, was cancelled, presumably as a mark of respect. It reminds me of ancient Egypt when they used to bury the servants in the tombs with the pharaohs. I really think the establishment wants a sacrifice or two.
If they genuinely do want to bury someone alive with the queen, I'm almost certain Nicholas Witchell will volunteer for the role. This is what patriotism looks like, folks.
Sadly, it has not all been patriotic fervour this week though. A man in the queue was arrested for sexual assault after jumping into the Thames to evade police, presumably because he didn't have £13 million for the settlement fee. This is not a joking matter though because it's absolutely fucking disgusting that a prince can buy his way out of justice, isn't it? Anyways, we must stay quiet about that because Andrew is not the bad one; Prince Harry is and he must be humiliated at every turn.
Royalists have explained Harry and Meghan are not even allowed to hold hands this week because they are senior royals, but they're not allowed to go to King Charles' reception on Sunday because they are not working royals. I'm unclear how this differentiates them from most other royals who've never worked a day in their lives, but I digress.
King Charles actually uninvited Harry and Meghan to the state reception at Buckingham Palace, but presumably some of the world's worst dictators will get to keep their invites. We can't miss an opportunity to sell them the bombs they use to commit genocide, can we?
It truly has been an intensely emotional week and it is important that we maintain respect at all times. Clearly some of you need official guidance on how this is supposed to work because social media users seem very confused.
The palace has therefore explained it's fine for King Charles to snarl at his servants because his mother died, but Prince Harry is not allowed to hold his wife's hand because his grandmother died. Charles must receive our understanding and Harry must receive our condemnation. I'm absolutely certain that crucifying her grandson is what the queen would have wanted, and if you object to this, you are being inappropriately political. This is a time of mourning.
Mourners have been saying the queen was like their grandmother and I can definitely relate to this sentiment. My grandmother was a billionaire who I never saw because she was too busy running her empire from her 29 palaces and shielding my nonce uncle from the force of the law while ignoring the racism faced by my sister-in-law. So relatable...
It's certainly moving that we've seen so many touching tributes to the queen this week. While the Welsh were booing King Charles, a local artist spontaneously decided to scrawl a graffiti mural of the queen on the side of someone's house. Sadly, he portrayed the wrong queen. He was supposed to give us Queen Elizabeth II and instead he gave us Queen Pat Butcher. Someone actually described this as this second worst thing to happen to the queen this week and I'm done here x
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