3/4 of UK firms don't believe Rees-Mogg's made up Brexit benefits are real

Survey data from an organisation whose name I can't remember (and no I can't be bothered to check) has shown that 3/4 of British firms believe there have been no economic benefits from Brexit. This, of course, is completely untrue and the 3/4 of people who think otherwise are just stupid and don't believe in Britain. Jacob Rees-Mogg did not spend seven months as Brexit minister twiddling his thumbs and pretending it was a real job for nothing...

Many businesses have benefitted hugely in recent years, although to be fair, most were fake businesses that received dodgy PPE contracts from Matt Hancock. Anyways, those businesses agree things are going brilliantly, apart from the one whose owners took it too far and shared pictures of themselves on the yachts they bought with your money. They just couldn't help boasting about how rich they were and now they're being sued, thanks to a public outcry.

Honestly, I can't believe how stupid these people were. Surely grown adults understand the whole point of modesty is that you keep a low profile when you're doing bad things so you don't get caught. You don't go looting and then celebrate what you've stolen by posing for selfies with your hoard. Thanks to these vain idiots, corruption is going to get a whole lot harder in this country. We are on a worrying path towards accountability.

Anyways, I'm rambling now and I've totally lost where I was so I'm going on Twitter for a bit. I'll be back later when I've found some inspiration if I can be bothered...

Okay, back now... If you're wondering, the survey I was talking about before I got distracted was carried out by some irrelevant body called the British Chamber of Commerce. I know this because I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and somebody who is better at research than me tweeted it out, saving me the job of Googling it. I should probably hire them on minimum wage and keep taking the credit for their hard work.

The survey shows that people are unhappy with Boris Johnson's "oven-ready" Brexit deal because sadly, it came out like a bowl of porridge that exploded in the microwave and turned into cement and now we're all having to scrape out the mess. Sadly, it looks like "oven-ready" was one of those stupid vacuous slogans designed to trick idiots into voting Tory because let's be honest, the government had nothing of substance to offer poor people. Lying was the only way they were ever going to get their way.

Somehow the public are now seeing through the lies and this is making propaganda really hard so I guess it's time for the technical journalisty (yes, that's a word) stuff that I didn't want to tell you:

The BCC has made 24 urgent recommendations to fix the Brexit shitshow, combining elements of the Swiss and Norwegian deals, and they will probably be ignored, in which case you can kiss goodbye to the economy. Over half of traders are saying it's a nightmare complying with new trade rules and the government has not helped them one bit. Remember when you were told Brexit would cut red tape? Yeah, that was a massive fucking lie. It's added a crap ton of red tape and more than 3/4 of businesses are struggling to grow as a result. It's almost like getting your voting advice from a big red bus is a really stupid idea.

The TCA reports a drop in the variety of goods traded with Europe from roughly 70,000 to 42,000, and one business reported that prior to Brexit, 75% of their trade was exports but now it's only 25%. A spokesperson for the BCC said: "That dickhead Boris Johnson has a lot to answer for."

VAT rules, customs rules and limits on travel are all proving a nightmare for businesses and it turns out that yelling loudly at EU diplomats is not going to get us a better deal. They don't seem to understand that our government is world-beating and holds all the cards. Bloody Europeans.

Infuriatingly, even our efforts at racism and xenophobia are going badly. A Brexit scheme which forced EU citizens to reapply to live in the UK has been ruled unlawful by the high court. The government was using this scheme to kick out 2.4 million hard-working Europeans so they could pretend they were bringing immigration numbers down. But the government was probably doing them a favour because who would want to be trapped in this economy?

A report has suggested that our economy is £30 billion smaller than it would've been if we'd remained inside the EU, but to be fair to Brexit, that's almost certainly just the Liz Truss effect, unless they're saying Liz did another £30 billion of damage, meaning we're £60 billion worse off. And then there's Dido Harding taking that figure close to £100 billion...

Just remember, the nurses, paramedics, postal workers, and rail workers going on strike are the reason you're struggling financially. They're the cause of our economic woes and definitely not the symptom.

Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend x