It has been announced that Liz Truss plans to visit Ukraine as soon as possible, presumably to boost her 11% popularity rating, but sadly President Zelensky has implored her to stay home. I suspect he's heard the conspiracy theory that our prime minister is a robot created by Putin to destroy the UK economy and he's scared of the damage she could do in Ukraine. 

Apparently, he fears she could be the deadliest weapon of mass desTrussction the world has ever known and a prelude to Skynet, which grossly overestimates her intelligence. Personally, I don't understand why anyone would see our Liz as robotic, but people will believe anything they read on the internet. Thankfully, you can rely on me to relay only facts because I'm at least 85% honest.

Twitter in particular has been responsible for so much hatred recently. The leftie do-gooder, anti-growth, bone-idle snowflakes have been acting like treasonous scum again by using their divisive rhetoric. Those anti-British doom-mongers have been copying Nicola Sturgeon and saying how much they detest the Tories, just because they collapsed the economy and made dumping shit on beaches our national sport. They are such drama queens.

Things are genuinely looking up now, despite what the anti-growth coalition keeps telling us. Kwasi Kwarteng intends to publish his fiscal plans by October 31st and those who are calling this the "nightmare on Downing Street" are just being mean. Just because the Bank of England had to bail out the economy twice in a fortnight, doesn't mean Kwasi doesn't know what he's doing.

I'm sure his plan to collapse the economy and flog everything on the cheap has been meticulously thought through so please give him some credit. You don't get to work for JP Morgan unless you know how to give hedge-fund managers exactly what they want. 

Reports Kwasi is receiving illegal payments from Crispin Odey must surely be fabricated though, because Kwasi would only help out the goodness of his heart. People on the internet obviously made this rumour up and therefore no criminal investigation is needed.

Economists have predicted Kwasi's mini-budget will take just 35 days to collapse the economy and you've got to admit, that's pretty impressive going. Of course, it could happen much sooner if we keep putting Liz in front of a camera and letting her gawp like a goldfish out of water.

Our prime minister has explained that although giving a truck-load of money to rich people has never solved a single economic crisis in human history, she is confident it will work this time.

Liz explained that if we take £18 billion that was being spent on public services and instead give that £18 billion to billionaires in the form of tax cuts, eventually our money will trickle back down in the form of urine. As you can see, this makes total sense.

The Nobel Prize for Economics was announced yesterday and it didn't even go to Liz or Kwasi, which is ridiculous because no politician has ever progressed their economic plans so quickly. I mean, sure, their economic plans are disaster capitalism, but still...

Anyway, you be will pleased to hear Liz is ditching plans to ban no fault evictions this winter so your landlord can evict you, even if you can somehow afford to pay the rent. Her other life-changing plans include upgrading cannabis to a Class A drug, imposing a windfall tax on renewables only, blaming striking workers for everything, and knighting the guy she just sacked, following allegations of sexual assault. No wonder she's on course to lose every seat in London, Yorkshire and the northeast of England. She's an inspiration.

Obviously, there has been lots to celebrate recently, but sadly it has not all been good news. King Charles has decided to hold his coronation on a Saturday and not give us an extra bank holiday next year. This is the kind of thing which could turn even a staunch royalist like me into a republican. I want that day off, Charlie, so I can get pissed with my mates x

Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend x