Boris Johnson is set to to award Conor Burns a knighthood in his resignation honours list, which is the type of thing Johnson would have to resign in disgrace for, if he wasn't already resigning in disgrace.

In case you haven't heard, Conor Burns has recently had the Tory whip removed following accusations of serious misconduct. The serious misconduct was, according to eye-witnesses, making inappropriate comments and groping a young man's thigh, despite being told to stop. Obviously, this is the kind of behaviour which happens so incredibly rarely in the Conservative Party. I'm pretty sure it's at least three days since their last similar scandal.

Allies of Conor Burns are blaming a combination of alcohol and medication for the incident. Yes, it really looks like their defence is that he is so irresponsible, he ignored the warning label which said "do not mix with alcohol".

If there are still any doubts about the judgement and character of Mr Burns, it's worth pointing out he was the one who claimed Boris Johnson was "ambushed with cake" on his birthday. Mr Burns says he looks forward to clearing his name so it will be interesting to see if he can come up with a defence as creative as this one.

Now you probably know very little about Mr Burns because I didn't either, but in 2020 he was sacked from the same role (Minister for Trade Policy) after intimidating a member of the public. He has served us twice in this role at a time when we still haven't opened up Chinese pork markets so it's fair to say he hasn't been a roaring success. I think this is why Liz Truss was so keen to suspend him. I'm hearing she privately told him "That. Is. A. Disgrace." but then offered him a chance to redeem himself if he could boost our cheese productivity, but he couldn't.

What's interesting about this story is that Boris Johnson was forced to resign by the "woke mob" after he promoted Chris Pincher, knowing he faced credible accusations of serious sexual assault. You will be relieved to know Boris Johnson has definitely learnt his lesson now. He is no longer promoting people accused of dreadful behaviour, he is simply knighting them so that you have to call them Sir.

This is what I admire about our honours system: it enables those who are disgraced to elevate others who are disgraced because they are so much better than us, they can get rewarded no matter how bad their behaviour is. Our honours system is not there for rewarding accomplishments because Mr Burns hasn't accomplished anything, but who cares about accomplishment? It's not like the government is there to make the country a better place.

Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend x