You will be pleased to hear Gavin Williamson is taking no nonsense. After being sacked as a government minister for the third time in four years, he has kindly declined his £17K severance payment this time, but he is not taking the matter lying down.

Gavin rejects the "characterisation" of all the things he's done, like threatening to withdraw school funding, unless Christian Wakeford voted against a motion criticising the government for its handling of free school meals. Yes, Gavin is so committed to his principles, such as the starvation of children, that he is willing to sacrifice the education of those children to get his own way. This is what I call a man of principle!

I understand Gavin has told Rishi Sunak in no uncertain terms that if he is not cleared over bullying allegations, he will drag him behind the bike shed, twist his arm behind his back and take his dinner money. He might even flush Wendy Morton's head down the toilet, that's how much he means business. (He's already done this to Michael Fabricant.)

Incidentally, Gavin is the 80th government minister to have left his job this year, and I'm pretty sure there are only about 23 ministers in government! Gavin actually lasted a whopping two weeks in the role of whatever the hell he was doing - Minister for Fireplaces or something.

For those two weeks, Gavin was entitled to collect the equivalent of six months of an average nurse's pay. This is obviously because Gavin works 13 times harder than the people who have kept the NHS going during the pandemic. Personally, I think such dedication should be respected. The last thing we need is more disarray.

By picking on poor Gavin like this, Rishi is letting everyone forget how terrifying Ring movie monster Suella Braverman is. This is a man who promised to reign over us with integrity and instead he's letting the tofu fan club win. He should be reminding the public bullying is what Tories do and just because snowflakes are whining about it in the press, doesn't mean we should change that.

Previously Gavin was sacked for incompetence and for leaking state secrets, and if we can welcome an incompetent traitor back into the fold, I'm not sure why we can't overlook his bullying. I mean what did he even do? Two secs, I'll Google it... Oh, he, um, sent abusive text messages and told a civil servant to slit their own throat.

Anyways, Gavin might have been sacked for a third time and that is definitely a great injustice, but at least he got his knighthood for having loads of dirt on Boris Johnson. Our government might be dysfunctional, but our honours system is functioning perfectly.

Thank you so much for letting me vent! If you enjoyed this article, you can buy me a coffee below or simply share this article with a friend x