Prime Minister Liz Truss devastated her millions of adoring fans today by refusing to say she has confidence in man of the moment Kwasi Kwarteng.
Liz was pressed by a Sky News journalist to say she trusted her chancellor and she kind of gawped and went off on a tangent like a malfunctioning robot, which was a surprise because Liz is normally so articulate. Clearly, she is not a happy bunny, but I'm not clear why.
Sure, Kwasi blew a £65 billion hole in the nation's budget with the only decision he has made as chancellor, but this is literally the only decision he has got wrong. There is not a single other chancellor in our history who has only got one decision wrong. This obviously means Kwasi is our greatest chancellor ever, but sadly Liz doesn't seem to think so.
Liz actually threw Kwasi under a bus recently by blaming him for the 45p tax U-turn, but Kwasi then threw Liz under a bus by confirming Liz was fully supportive of his plan. This is like watching the two best people you know tear each other apart. It's agonising.
If these two keep destroying each other, the Truss government could be over before it started and then the party would be over for the hedge fund managers. That means no more champagne receptions when the pound crashes.
At least our hedge fund friends have made huge sums of money so far though. Kwasi's former boss Crispin Odey admitted he made a fortune when the pound crashed and then partially recovered. Personally I think it's lovely to hear feel good stories like this when so many people are suffering. It's like there is light at the end of the tunnel.
If you find yourself struggling to pay your bills this winter, at least you can set up a hedge fund, befriend the chancellor of the exchequer and get some really good tip-offs. This is what I love about this country, it always rewards the good guys who are willing to work hard for other people's money.
You would think good news like this would make Liz and Kwasi buoyant, but apparently not. The pair were scheduled to meet rich Tory donors who had paid £3,000 each for dinner, but sadly Liz and Kwasi both cancelled. The donors were upset because they were hoping to get at least a 10,000% return on their investment and yet they were denied access. Things are such a mess that it's even getting hard to do corruption now.
Shockingly, a petition calling for a general election has been signed by five times as many people as voted for Liz to become prime minister, but these people don't count because they're all either poor or Nadine Dorries.
It seems incomprehensible the Tories could be 25 points behind in the polls, given the brilliant job they're doing, but there is still time for gerrymandering. If everything continues like this, Nadine might get the general election she called for, after all x
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